Statement of principles fail: Daniël reads Harry Potter instead

“We, the people of AEGEE, were in a busy and crowded station, full of people trying to go somewhere. Amongst the hustle and bustle, two large cages rattle on top of two laden trolleys. They are pushed by two boys, James and Albus Potter.”

The whole plenary gazes towards the stage as Daniël, President of AEGEE-Europe gazes back into the crowd as he slowly starts to realise his mistake.

The book the president accidentally read from

Upon asked, he responds “I had the book with me to read during the interesting plenary, but also my notebook with both the statement of principles and a list of good and bad AEGEEans. When we had to go on to read the statement of principles stage, I was caught off guard and quickly grabbed the wrong book.”

AEGEE-Salerno silent at Roll Call, Forgot to bring Delegates & Visitors to own Agora

The whole plenary went silent in shock and awe when AEGEE-Salerno was mentioned during the roll call and no one responded. Panic was seen in the eyes of the yellow shirt wearing organizers. Then there was the sudden realisation that while there are tons of people from Salerno as Organizers and Helpers, but they completely forgot to actually sign up some delegates for the Agora!

The president of AEGEE-Salerno responds: “During our antenna meetings we had a wall where people could sign up, but people kept tearing it down. I think we had about 10 visitors, but in the end we couldn’t verify them as visitor because of all the bricks that were taken off the signup-wall.”

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BREAKING – SWIMMING POOL ATTENDANCE MANDATORY & MORE

Breaking News just in from our spying ears at the Agroa Salerno Situation Room. In this room are gathered both local organizers, all members of the Comité Directeur, the Chair team and the Juridical Commission and our reporter Anna Pamplona.

Due to a Vesuvius eruption, the Gym which was originally planned to be used for hosting the participants of the Agora, became unavailable. The local organizers of Agora Salerno worked their asses off and arranged a new accommodation just now. The new accommodation consists of several campings with little houses and real beds for both visitors and delegates.

Because it needs to be clear that this change is not supposed to be funny or to add increased joy to a normally plain and basic sleeping accommodation. Therefore, the upgraded accommodation also requires upgraded rules. The Juridical Commission worked together with the members of the Comité Directeur to update the CIA including some new rules for delegates. Here is a small overview:

Delegates: Swimming Pool

Aside from 100% attendance to prytaniae and 80% attendance to plenaries, delegates will now be required to also show a 20% attendance to the opening times of the swimming pools. The local organizers will scan badges upon entry and exit of the swimming pool to measure the attendance.

All Pax: Minibar

Usage of at least 4 drinks at the minibars is also mandatory for all delegates and 8 for participants. This rule was created to generate more income for the local organizers to pay for the upgraded accommodation.

Honorary Members: Private Jets

Honorary members are required to have an attendance of at least 60% on all ‘Les Anciens Jet Company’ arranged flights between the plenary hall and the sleeping accommodations.

BREAKING – Vesuvius Eruption Expected, Gym location moved!

BREAKING NEWS – Agora Salerno Organizers decided together with the Secretary General of the Comité Directeur that the Gym Location will be moved. This unfortunate decision was made after meteorologists predicted volcanic activity for the nearby active Vesuvius volcano.

The first participants already arrived at the new Gym at the Cagliari campus earlier this afternoon, as our reporter Anna Pamplona witnessed.

The new Gym can be reached by taking the Agora bus to Cagliari Campus, and then turning right after the green building seen below.

Green building. Hemmo for Scale.

Please read your e-mail for the latest information on how to reach the new gym location.

6 things you should see in Bielefeld

Recently there was some controversy about the beloved hometown of the Silver Times, Bielefeld. After some Dutchie (at least, he was very orange so we assume he is a Dutchie) was insulted because Germany would not sell Bielefeld to him, he publicly questioned the existence of Bielefeld. The local government responded to this by offering 1 million euro’s to the person that gives concluding proof that Bielefeld doesn’t exist.

On behalf of the board of AEGEE-Bielefeld, I would like to give you a quick impression of our amazing city. These are typical points of interest we usually attend during our city tours.

First up is the Cathedral of St. Michael. Contrary to popular belief, this was built only last year, in 2018. It was entirely privately funded by Michael, and he was nice enough to donate all the millions required to build the cathedral. People thought it was so gentle of him, they consider him a saint, which is why they named it Cathedral of St. Michael.

After a short walk from the Cathedral, we now arrive at the National Galleries of Saint Hubert. The galleries are 230 meters long, but what many people do not know is that they used to be longer, up to 4 kilometers. In 1889, when the Eifel tower was built, they demolished 3,7 kilometers of the galleries to make space for the Eifel Tower. What they missed however, was that the Eifel Tower was going to be built in Paris and not in Bielefeld. In many archaeological researches in the neighborhood, remains of the galleries are found. In 2012, the gallery got modernized and shops were located in the gallery. Due to an ancient German law, it is not allow to sell post stamps in here. There are plenty of mailboxes though.

This is the Grand Square of Bielefeld. When it was built, it used to be perfectly square, but due to corrosion caused by rivers, it is not anymore. The Grand Square is the most important tourist destination and most memorable landmark in Bielefeld. It is also considered as one of the most beautiful squares in Europe. Funny, because the locals call it the Grosse Plas. Plas is the Dutch word for Urine. This is because it used to be a main gathering point for the citizens of Bielefeld to go to the toilet. Many toilets used to be located here just in this square. It also houses the Chancellor Palace. He however rarely spends any time here, because the Bielefeld Public Transport just makes it take hours and hours to get there.

We now arrive at Männlein Piss. It is as you can see a urinating guy, and it was built in honor to the grand square. The first king of Germany used to pee in this corner and for years the rumor went around you could still smell his urine to the day. While there is a slight odor of Urine, Scientists from a joint research project of the Faculty of Chemistry and the Faculty of History, Philosophy and Theology of Universität Bielefeld claim it’s probably just from modern day homeless people. Located elsewhere in the city, there used to be a urinating girl. Due to modern German laws it is now prohibited for women to urinate in public and that statue was removed. The urinating guy remains, however it’s presence it threatened by the rising cost of running water in Germany. The Pisswasser company, the best beer in Germany offers to replace the water stream with beer, so it more accurately reflects the color of urine. This would also solve the water issue. The German parliament us going to vote on it. Some day. In the future. Probably.

This is the famous Bielefelder Hill of Arts. It consists of many old Van Gogh paintings which were put to fire by angry Germans. They were jealous of the Dutch painter because his paintings became worth millions and theirs didn’t. Later, the steaming and smelling pile of paintings and paint was covered with whatever it is covered today. The old paint Van Gogh used turns out to be very fertilizing and that’s how suddenly this beautiful garden appeared in the mid 1900’s.

We now arrive at the Chancellors palace. The Chancellor does live here and visit often. The public transport issue was solved for this location by laying a separate metro line just for the Chancellor and his family to be used. Because many people were angry over the taxpayers money that was used for this, the Chancellor decided to open the metro line up to the public for just one day per year.

If you liked this impression, you should off course come by to see our amazing city, and definitely sign up for one of our events. We have many.

Sources:
Photo of Art Galleries, by Audrius Meskauskas, from Wikimedia Commons
Cathedral of St. Michael, by René Bongard, from Wikimedia Commons
Urinating Boy, photo by Myrabella, from Wikimedia Commons
Photo of Grand Place, by Celuici, from Wikimedia Commons

Photo of Royal Palace, by Martin Falbisoner, from Wikimedia Commons
Photo of Hill of arts, by Benoit Brummer, from Wikimedia Commons
Skyline of city with Atom structure, unknown source. No really, it was on Pinterest. Did reverse image search and everything. Couldn’t find it.

An AGORA-L debacle: Subscribed for life

After deep investigations by our reporter Anna Pamplona, we found out that unsubscribing from AEGEE’s mailing lists, AGORA-L seems more impossible than possible.

We still haven’t found a good reason why anyone would ever want to unsubscribe from AGORA-L, but we’re journalists and think outside of the box. So, as a matter of test, we tried unsubscribing from the mailing list. This was not easy.

It started with looking for a way to unsubscribe. After several hours of research, Anna found that at the bottom of each e-mail it has a few lines of information on the mailing list, including the fact that to unsubscribe you have to send ‘signoff AEGEE-AGORA-L’ to a certain email address. It only worked when we sent the e-mail in a non-HTML format, and in UTF-8 encoding. And in cyrillic.

When we finally succesfully managed to send the unsubscription mail, Anna stretched her arms and sat back in her chair for a bit. “It’s done and it was easy”, she said out loud. “The people complaining are just whi-” *plonk*

An automated response had just arrived.

Dear Miss Pamplona,

Thank you for sending an unsubscription request in order to be unsubscribed from AGORA-L. We would kindly like to assist you in the further process of unsubscribing from our mailing distribution list.

In order to verify your identity, we would like you to perform the following steps:

1: Send both a copy and the original of your identity document (Passport, ID-card or if you’re from the United Kingdom, a written letter from Her Majesty the Queen herself confirming your identity) to our headoffices (AEGEE-Europe, Einbahnstrasse 25, 33613 Bielefeld, Germany), preferably through the Europe on Pack parcel and mailing company.

2: Send a spoken video message of yourself to the UNSUBSCRIBE-L distribution list, stating 11 reasons why you don’t want to be subscribed any longer. UNSUBSCRIBE-L has 22.441 recipients, so this is your time to shine.

3: Send a well-engineered application letter for Autumn Agora 2020 to the members of the Comité Directeur to show your loyalty to our glorious leaders.
~ or~
3: Apply for the Secretary General-role within the Comité Directeur and commit to furfill the role for at least 6 months and 23 days to show your loyalty to our glorious leaders.

As soon as you have performed these tasks, we will kindly remove your e-mail address from the AGORA-L mailinglist within a timeframe of three months.

In case you have any questions or comments, feel free to contact us through the UNSUBSCRIBE-L mailing list.

With kind regards,
The members of the Mailing List Committee

Anna sat down for a while and cried a little. Luckily, she recovered fast, and almost immediately her investigative senses kicked in and she quickly contacted the JC.

The JC confirms this way of working fits within the rules of the CIA and it is according to Belgian law and the GDPR: “It is a bit of a stretch, but it does specifically state that in order to comply with a request to unsubscribe from a mailing list or to remove one’s personal data, you are allowed to ask the recipient to perform one or more steps to verify their identity. The members of the Comité Directeur and the IT Committee have chosen to do this because they want AEGEE members to be really really really sure before they quit on of our most amazing mailing lists.”

This was a week ago. Today she finished her tasks, and just got the confirmation that within three months and 23 days after Autumn Agora Bielefeld 2020, she will be an unsubscribed member from AGORA-L and, as she just found out, unsubscribed members are automatically subscribed to the UNSUBSCRIBED-L alumni mailing list after unsubscribing from the unsubscribable AGORA-L subscribers list.

Anna then cried a little more.

Gain Honorary Membership of the Silver Times!

Do you want to read new articles right when they are published ánd get live coverage of the best of the plenaries during Agora Salerno? Subscribe now to have it all pushed right into your phone or laptop! Click the blue bell icon on the bottom right of this page to set it up!

As a thank you, you will gain immediate Honorary Membership.

Post-agora Depression to becomes Pre-agora Depression

As always, when traveling home after a big AEGEE event, and especially after an Agora, people de facto get depressed a bit from missing out the addictive positive vibe of being all together with so many lovely and like-minded people, and witnessing democracy at it’s very best.

Good news from the JC! This is about to change. From spring Agora Yerevan on, the depression will be moved to Pre-agora, to make space for the Post-agora voting. The JC explains: “Because we don’t want the members to be too emotional to make wise decisions, we decided to move the Post-agora depression to before the event.”

They were also happy that it got passed in an almost-democratically-approvable way: “The good part about is that we don’t have to pass it through the agora, we just secretly slipped it into this years post-agora voting. And because everyone is so emotional right now, it got passed almost right away.”

Dear Silver Times reader: Thank you for reading our articles during Spring Agora Bucuresti! From now on, new articles will be published scarcely and probably mostly during events that Anna Pamplona is attending. Feel free to keep following the Silver Times both here and on Facebook. You are also free to send in ideas for new articles, even if they are just a headline or the plotline for a joke. And remember, Silence is golden, the rest is silver.

AEGEE goes commercial: Blue Clapping Company

As a final statement during the closing plenary 2.0, The members of the Comité Directeur decided to reform AEGEE to be a commercial institute. From now on, AEGEE will be renamed to Blue Clapping Company.

All participants of Spring Agora Bucuresti are as of now hired for Blue Clapping Company. On behalf of the Silver Times: Congratulations!

Agora 2020 issue solved with twinning: Yereskva

The Spring Agora 2020 issue has been resolved by the members of the JC and the members of the Comité Directeur who after a really good European Night at 07.00 came up with a brilliant idea!

The members of the JC will propose for AEGEE-Moskva and AEGEE-Yerevan will be forced to become twin antennae and organize the Agora together.

The motion will be proposed after the indicative vote to decite with voting on wether to do the voting secretly.