Recently there was some controversy about the beloved hometown of the Silver Times, Bielefeld. After some Dutchie (at least, he was very orange so we assume he is a Dutchie) was insulted because Germany would not sell Bielefeld to him, he publicly questioned the existence of Bielefeld. The local government responded to this by offering 1 million euro’s to the person that gives concluding proof that Bielefeld doesn’t exist.

On behalf of the board of AEGEE-Bielefeld, I would like to give you a quick impression of our amazing city. These are typical points of interest we usually attend during our city tours.

First up is the Cathedral of St. Michael. Contrary to popular belief, this was built only last year, in 2018. It was entirely privately funded by Michael, and he was nice enough to donate all the millions required to build the cathedral. People thought it was so gentle of him, they consider him a saint, which is why they named it Cathedral of St. Michael.

After a short walk from the Cathedral, we now arrive at the National Galleries of Saint Hubert. The galleries are 230 meters long, but what many people do not know is that they used to be longer, up to 4 kilometers. In 1889, when the Eifel tower was built, they demolished 3,7 kilometers of the galleries to make space for the Eifel Tower. What they missed however, was that the Eifel Tower was going to be built in Paris and not in Bielefeld. In many archaeological researches in the neighborhood, remains of the galleries are found. In 2012, the gallery got modernized and shops were located in the gallery. Due to an ancient German law, it is not allow to sell post stamps in here. There are plenty of mailboxes though.

This is the Grand Square of Bielefeld. When it was built, it used to be perfectly square, but due to corrosion caused by rivers, it is not anymore. The Grand Square is the most important tourist destination and most memorable landmark in Bielefeld. It is also considered as one of the most beautiful squares in Europe. Funny, because the locals call it the Grosse Plas. Plas is the Dutch word for Urine. This is because it used to be a main gathering point for the citizens of Bielefeld to go to the toilet. Many toilets used to be located here just in this square. It also houses the Chancellor Palace. He however rarely spends any time here, because the Bielefeld Public Transport just makes it take hours and hours to get there.

We now arrive at Männlein Piss. It is as you can see a urinating guy, and it was built in honor to the grand square. The first king of Germany used to pee in this corner and for years the rumor went around you could still smell his urine to the day. While there is a slight odor of Urine, Scientists from a joint research project of the Faculty of Chemistry and the Faculty of History, Philosophy and Theology of Universität Bielefeld claim it’s probably just from modern day homeless people. Located elsewhere in the city, there used to be a urinating girl. Due to modern German laws it is now prohibited for women to urinate in public and that statue was removed. The urinating guy remains, however it’s presence it threatened by the rising cost of running water in Germany. The Pisswasser company, the best beer in Germany offers to replace the water stream with beer, so it more accurately reflects the color of urine. This would also solve the water issue. The German parliament us going to vote on it. Some day. In the future. Probably.

This is the famous Bielefelder Hill of Arts. It consists of many old Van Gogh paintings which were put to fire by angry Germans. They were jealous of the Dutch painter because his paintings became worth millions and theirs didn’t. Later, the steaming and smelling pile of paintings and paint was covered with whatever it is covered today. The old paint Van Gogh used turns out to be very fertilizing and that’s how suddenly this beautiful garden appeared in the mid 1900’s.

We now arrive at the Chancellors palace. The Chancellor does live here and visit often. The public transport issue was solved for this location by laying a separate metro line just for the Chancellor and his family to be used. Because many people were angry over the taxpayers money that was used for this, the Chancellor decided to open the metro line up to the public for just one day per year.

If you liked this impression, you should off course come by to see our amazing city, and definitely sign up for one of our events. We have many.

Photo of Art Galleries, by Audrius Meskauskas, from Wikimedia Commons
Cathedral of St. Michael, by René Bongard, from Wikimedia Commons
Urinating Boy, photo by Myrabella, from Wikimedia Commons
Photo of Grand Place, by Celuici, from Wikimedia Commons

Photo of Royal Palace, by Martin Falbisoner, from Wikimedia Commons
Photo of Hill of arts, by Benoit Brummer, from Wikimedia Commons
Skyline of city with Atom structure, unknown source. No really, it was on Pinterest. Did reverse image search and everything. Couldn’t find it.

Published by Anna Pamplona

Anna Pamplona is the founder and Chief-in-Editor of the Silver Times, and has written many investigative articles. She received the Golden Silver Times-award for her article about unraveling the real location of the CD house in Bielefeld.

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